This is my makeshift disclaimer. Ready? Wait for it. Wait. Ok, here.

DISCLAIMER: I am in no way related to anyone famous, or wealthy, or illegally seeking asylum in the United States. I am not generally politically correct, or even correct sometimes. Opinions vary. (Mine varies widely.) (Seriously. Like sometimes I will simultaneously claim two totally opposite viewpoints). (Wierd, I know!) (But don’t worry. This site is not under surveillance. Or at least I don’t think it is.) Ok, look. In the case this site is under surveillance I would like to plead the 5th. Or at minimum, parlay! (Assuming you’re a pirate.) (Which is actually not frowned upon in my opinion.) (So long as it’s an “aaargh!” kind of pirate and not the creepy scrawny Captain what’s-his-name movie where Tom Hanks played the guy that got hijacked) (which was really scary and a great story of perseverance and hope and justice) kind of pirate.) Those pirates are not welcome here. Those pirates should leave now. (Also, I really like parenthesis.) (Sorry if that offends you.) (Ok, not really. Sorry I apologized insincerely, though.) This is not a political advertisement. I am not running for anything. I’m not selling anything. Yet. Some names have been changed to protect the innocent and all that stuff. Keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times. Do not try this at home. Closed course with professional driver. Beware of dog. Private property. Swim at your own risk, etc., etc., etc.