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My Crazy Stupendous Story – Part 3

/ Kelly / Leave a comment

You can catch up to this point by reading, My Crazy-Stupendous Story – Part 1 and then My Crazy-Stupendous Story – Part 2.

So a day or so later, he comes to meet the Warden. He shows up right after work, and I take him back to meet my son who is playing war games on his xbox. There’s a few awkward moments of silence and confusion after the introduction and then they decide the best way to size each other up is in a Halo battle. I watch, they play. Then after about an hour, we all go into the living room to see flaky off. The Warden promptly tells him that he is not going to date me, as expected. And then flaky leaves and the Warden begins his interrogation. “Who was that? Why was he here? How do you know him? Why was he so dirty? He looks like a homeless guy. (He’s actually a welder.) Do paw paw and grandma know him?”, and so forth. Kind of like when your dad first meets your new boyfriend. I convinced him that we were just friends at that point and that we were going to see what happened, but that it wasn’t anything serious and that I just wanted them to get to know each other better so that maybe we could hang out.

After that, we saw a whole lot of flaky. Turns out, he wasn’t nearly as flaky as I thought he was going to be. Matter of fact, he isn’t really flaky at all. He’s wonderful. And his name is actually Ray. And by wonderful, I mean… this man has been the best thing to ever happen to either one of us. There were days in the beginning when I thought surely he would give up on us. My son gave him absolute HELL the first couple of months we dated. He was mean to the point of me crying and telling Ray that I totally understood if he wanted to just call the whole thing quits and move on. But Ray was very patient with my son and explained that he’d been the little boy trying to protect his mom too, when he was young. He understood that Kaden just needed to see for himself that things were going to be okay. And that he was going to treat us good and stick around and wasn’t like anything we had experienced before in our past. And eventually, Kaden saw all of those things. And it was worth all of the hard stuff. After dating for about a year, we decided to get married. I was scared to death. After all this was round 3 for me and I just knew that some crazy lady with 6 kids was going to show up and ruin everything. But the wedding day came and no crazy lady showed up to claim my man, so we got married. It was a simple wedding with family and friends and we had a short, sweet honeymoon in a town just a couple of hours away.

 

Since then, our life together as a family has been great. I mean really great. We have had some little hiccups here and there, but few and far between and nothing to write about. I won’t say we have the perfect marraige, even though I feel like it’s pretty dang close. However, I will say that what we have is perfect for us. I’ve finally got my knight in shining armor, and my son finally has a good man in his life that he loves and gets love from in return and who is showing him how to be an honest, hard-working, loving, strong and gentle-man. My husband loves my family, and I love his family. We really were a match made in Heaven. I love how God knew just what we needed, when we needed it and how it makes so much sense now that I can look back on everything. We married in November of 2012, and in April of 2014 my husband adopted my son. It was a long road and there were several court appearances, and lots of dirty laundry aired in the courtroom on both sides, and we experienced our greatest fears relieved and hopes come to fruition. But now we all share the same last name and a brighter expectation for our future. My son told his biological father after the hearing, in response to a comment about him being there if my son ever decided to come look for him, “I won’t ever come look for you, I already have a dad.”  To this day, he introduces Ray as his dad, to his friends as well as perfect strangers. He gets angry with us, as any 13 year old does. And he thinks we are horrible parents for making him mow the yard or take out the trash, EVERY day. But he tells us he loves us and he is mostly an “A” Honor Roll student, and he plays sports and he hangs out with his buddies and is a pretty well rounded young man, with a sweet disposition, a major funny streak, a lot of spunk and the biggest heart. So I figure we must be doing something right.

A Fresh Start

/ Kelly / 1 Comment

Wow… it’s been a while, hasn’t it?  Ok, so I took a break. But I wanted to give you an update. After my miscarraige,  I did a bit of soul searching,  trying to figure out where I want this journey to go. Hubby and I agree that a baby would be wonderful, but all in God’s timing. So we sort of just let it go. We’re still trying, but not “trying”, like before. We went on vacation, did some much needed recharging of our minds and bodies, and spent plenty of time floating and relaxing in the sun. Then we came back to the real world.
We also embarked on a new journey, by agreeing to host a German exchange student for a semester,  and she arrived about a week ago. So far, it’s been great. She’s smart, funny, charismatic,  and she actually speaks pretty good English… Thank you, Jesus!  Her and our son get along great. Our only issues have been with having to share her! Anyway, today is her first day as an American student and she was super nervous and excited. But I know she’s going to do great. Today is also my little guys first day of being in the Junior High.  A huge step, and he was just as nervous and excited as he is every year.

Speaking of firsts, I decided to start a new year today, too. So I went for a good, long, fast-paced walk. It was nice. Just me, my rock and roll Playlist and the pavement. I’m not making any promises,  but I’m going to try and live out my mom’s favorite thing to nag me about, “To thine own self, be true! ” And really, I deserve better from me. And so do my son and husband.  I haven’t been the best version of myself in a really long time. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been good. Just not great. So it’s time to get my crap together.

I won’t make excuses, but I’ve been in a rut lately… lacking a little bit of my usual pep and joy, focusing on the struggle rather than the journey.  My real estate career has seen more bumpy roads than pleasant  progress. I had a disastrous contact fall apart after two full months of trying to hold it together, and a million other hiccups along the way. Things are looking up now. But in the meantime, my husband’s been working his tail off to make us a living. It makes things stressful,  and it’s difficult sometimes to just let go and let God. But it’s what I need! I’m hanging onto a fear of failure and it’s time to just let go and trust that God is going to either catch me or give me wings… I’ll let you know how it goes!  😉

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Some people are sad.

/ Kelly / Leave a comment

So I have had some recent drama-ish situations lately. Mostly having to do with family and personal issues. And it makes me sad. And upset. And angry even. But mostly sad. Because people act like they don’t know they are being selfish or uncaring or two-faced or just plain mean. And that is sad. Those people are SAD. I will tell you about them now. Not to continue the drama, but in the hopes that one of two things will happen: (1.) If you are one of these people, maybe you will learn to see things from another point of view. (2.) If you’re dealing with one of these people, maybe you will get some relief in knowing you are not alone.

Issue #1: Drama Mama. And the resulting rediculousness.
My son has been playing baseball for the past 8 years. T-ball, little league, minor league and now majors. We’ve dealt with crummy coaches, horrible parents, bullying, shut-outs, you name it. He loves baseball. Most of the time. He has his moments of laziness and frustration but for the most part he really enjoys it.
Well, this year he ended up on a team made up almost solely of kids from a rival school. And it was difficult, to say the least. He literally had one real friend on the team – a home schooled kid that he’d played for several years with. Of course, my kid sat the bench most games because he wasn’t one of the coaches “boys”. Which is another issue, completely. But it did wear on me that he wasn’t even given a fair shake. The biggest issue was with the bullying and trash talking. And worse,  the lack of anything being said or done about it by  the coaches. It was bad.
To make matters worse, the middle of the season, his coach pits him against his one friend on the team and made some poor decisions that ended up causing a rift between the two. The other kids mom ended up calling me and telling me the kid was quitting the team. She went on to say how she felt the whole situation was wrong and we needed to take a stand for our kids and not let them be treated so poorly. She practically begged us to join them in standing up for what was right. And we were on board, because if we weren’t then my kid would’ve been all by himself against a team of bullies. So my kid decided to quit the team too,  with some encouragement from myself. So we just called it a loss. We’d try again next season. The End.
Except that it wasnt. A few days later I get a message from another parent who knew what had happened, asking if my kid had went back to the team. Of course, he hadn’t. But someone had. Hmmm. I thought surely that was a mistake, so I asked the other parent about her kid. She beat around the bush and then finally admitted that he had gone back to playing. Now, understand me, it was her pleas that got us to quit. And her endless phone calls and texts a few days before that convinced me that we were doing the right thing. So, what happened?  I felt betrayed. Short-changed. Used. Manipulated. Lied to. She asked us to take a stand and then she backs down without even so much as a phone call? I heard it from some other parent with a  kid on a different team. Who does that? So now my kid is off the team,  and her kid is playing again. Really!? That night when I told my kid that his buddy had gone back to the team he said, “Oh really? That’s funny. Wasn’t his mom the one blowing your phone up about how WE had to stand our ground and that kids can’t be jerked around like that?” I’m so glad he can read between the lines like his momma. Apple & Tree. And as for that other mom… sad. Sad that she was so easily swayed and unable to stand firm in her convictions as a parent, and sad that she doesn’t even realize the impact of her actions.

Issue #2: Faux Family Friend. And why I’m completely over it. 
So I had lunch with a friend today, and she proceeded to tell me all about a guy that is supposed to be my dad’s friend. My dad got hurt at work a few months ago and has been working at getting his health issues sorted out.  Anyway, this guy goes to great lengths to come by and check on my dad, to call and check on him, encourage him, etc. Once upon a time he was my brothers very best friend. He worked for my dad for several years. He worked with my dad for several months before my dad’s injury. He is supposed to be a friend.
Well, at lunch today, there was a completely different story. I learned a long time ago not to put too much weight or faith in this guy. And I heard again about how he talks about my family, including my dad and his injuries,  behind our backs. It was sickening. And to make matters worse, he only spreads his drama and lies to the people who will listen and who want to hear it. Which says something pretty specific about his audience. It’s like a negativity-mill. He churns out whatever it is that everybody wants to hear. Each group of people get a different spin and a tailor-made yarn. He’s like the male version of an attention seeking drama queen.
I’ve tried to talk to my family about what a snake in the grass he really is, and I hope they realize it sooner than later. But it’s hard to believe something bad about somebody that you’ve put your trust into. Like I told my mom today, I would love to just rip him a new one and tell him exactly what I think of him and call him out on his lies and two-faced antics. But I have learned that it’s not my place, nor my responsibility to confront someone about their actions. Because God takes care of all that for you. He rights the wrongs and redeems the opressed. And it’s only a matter of time. So I’m letting it go. Don’t get me wrong, if I run into him, he’s liable to get way more than he bargained for, because I don’t have it in me to just pretend like I don’t know what’s really going on. But I refuse to seek him out just to speak my mind. Because that would require me expending my time and energy on him. And he’s worth neither. He’s just sad.