I found this advice in an old email that I had sent a friend who was struggling with mommy-syndrome and all it’s joys and complications: “Something I saw in a movie one time that I always thought I’d try if I had a little girl or even another baby boy – is to have some whisper time. Rediculously cheesy, but so very sweet. Just whisper talking to them and in your case, your daughter whispers to you… Nothing specific, just where you talk to each other in whispers, holding hands, really close to them. Like you are the only two people in the world. I always picture this taking place in a little blanket fort in the living room but whatever and wherever. Life is so chaotic as it is, and we are all so caught up in the daily routine of what NEEDS to be done that we lose sight of what we are doing it all for. If you think about it, nothing in this world would matter one bit if we lost our kids. Or our husbands. But especially our kids. They are literally, our flesh and blood. Our heart, living outside of our bodies. Nothing is more precious or valuable than that. I seriously came to the realization one day when I was all rushed and running late and yelling at Kaden that – NO. You know what?! I am NOT going to be this person. If I’m late to work. So be it. SO. BE. IT. Kaden being late to school is not the end of the world. And me getting to work late is especially not the end of the world. Hell, they’re lucky most days to even have me show up! But what WOULD be the end of the world, is if those angry, hurried moments were (GOD FORBID!) my last moments with my little boy. THAT. That, would be tragic. SO I said f*** it. For real. I try to be on time. Usually I am. Sometimes I’m not. And nothing earth shattering has come of it.”
It’s been several years since I wrote this advice to her, and it still seems like decent advice. So if any of you need a reminder, like I certainly do, there you go.
Random Ramblings
Sometimes life makes no sense. Kind of like these posts. They are a mix of thoughts, gripes, etc. Enjoy.
Opportunity Knocks.
So as you may already know, I am just a little over two months into my return to a career in selling real estate. Things started out fast, with me getting four listings in about the first week. Then I ended up getting a contract on a property that wasn’t even listed with an extended closing date and have been working with a few buyers. But no money yet. Which is frustrating. But it’s how this all works. The market here is pretty steady so that’s comforting. And once you get a successful closing, you get paid. And closings generally take about 30 days from date of contract. If you’re lucky. It’s all sort of complicated and scary and frustrating. And at first I had some serious adjustment issues with having so much free time on my hands after working an 8-5 for the past six years. But I’ve kind of grown to enjoy the scheduling freedom. I can water the grass in the morning. I don’t have to rush to be at the office at 8 a.m. I can pick up my kid from school and plan dinner on most nights. It’s the little things that have become the big things to me now. And I didn’t realize how much I have been enjoying the little stuff until this past Friday…
I have this friend who is in “media”. (I don’t really want to say exactly who or what for the time being. Mainly because there’s still some stuff up in the air.) She is one of my newer friends since we just met a few years ago through an organization I became involved with, and only last year did I really get to know her outside of the organization we both work with, by joining a civic club that she participates in. Anyway, she’s absolutely great. She’s laid back, smart, a go-getter, a multi-tasker, driven, and completely hilarious. All qualities that I sort of have in common with her. We are like peas in a really fun pod. And this past Friday she asked if I could talk a little bit once our meeting was over. So we sat down together and she basically offered me a job. It is very flattering that she feels I would be perfect for the position and that she thinks it would work into a pretty lucrative and exciting career in “media”. But all of the sudden I found myself feeling very afraid.
Not afraid of the job itself, but afraid of the commitment that it would entail. I have grown to really enjoy my down time over the past 60 days or so, and I don’t really know how the scheduling would work with trying to balance two full time jobs would be – even if they are both “flexible schedules”. I don’t want to give up on real estate by any means, and I don’t want another job taking away from what I’m able to do with the real estate stuff. I’m pretty good with prioritizing my responsibilities and I’m sure I could swing it, but at what cost? Would it be at the cost of my lazy mornings spent watering plants and grass and planning my to-do list, or my after-school time with my soon-t0-be no-longer-little son? I have to admit, the money part of the proposition sounds really nice. I see our bank account dwindling a little bit, day-by-day and it really has me kind of freaked out. But I know that the money will come with the real estate stuff. All in due time… And the hubby makes plenty of money to cover the bills and necessities, but I know it has to be on his mind too.
I don’t like living paycheck to paycheck. I did that for the past two decades, almost. Don’t get me wrong, it’s much better than being in debt up to your eyeballs or unable to make ends meet on your own (I lived both of those scenarios, too.). But there’s more to life than money. The prospect of having good benefits again, and a steady paycheck are very appealing but I guess I am just going to have to figure out all the details on what my schedule would really be. In my mind, the situation boils down to Money vs. Time. And I know that time is much more valuable than money. And that money can make your time spent a lot easier. So what’s the bigger payout? Do I choose money and relinquish some (or very possibly MOST) of my free time with my family? Or do I hold on to my free time at the expense of our bank accounts? Which is more selfish and self-serving? It’s a hard call. I haven’t even gotten all the details on the job yet and I’m already stressing out. But at the same time, this could be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to have a career that would be as financially rewarding as it is FUN! Just when I thought I had things all figured out, I get thrown a curveball. Absolutely par for the course. So what’s a girl to do??? To Be Continued…
Over and Out!
Sorry I’ve been absent for awhile… I know it’s been too long since the last post, but I have a valid reason… Excuse, really. My mind has been a little preoccupied, and I’ve been at a loss for words. Sure I could have written about all the nonsensical, ordinary, funny, etc. happenings of the day, or even about my lack of inspiration. But I didn’t. And I’m sorry for that. However, since you are here reading this post, let me tell you about the past few weeks.
As you know from earlier posts, I recently went back to a full time real estate career, which has been stirring up several issues within me. First, I am super thankful for a husband that supports me in all of my endeavors and believes that I can move mountains, and change lives, and succeed in anything I put my mind to. THAT – is wonderful. And I’m happy to be back doing something that I really enjoy, because life is too short to have a job you are not happy with. And really, things have gone pretty well so far. I’m only 38 days back into the field and I have four listings and one contract and several buyers I am working with… Which equates to money in the near future. So I feel like I should be super stoked and excited. But I’m sort of not…
My downtime has gotten me a little off kilter. I’m not used to having nothing to do, specifically. Sure, I had some downtime with my previous job – but it came with pay and benefits and opportunities to do other stuff. Now, my downtime just allows me an opportunity to sit and think about all the uncertainties of this career field. In my own defense, the last time I did this full time, I juggled being a stay at home mom too. And technically I’m still doing that, except with a tween instead of a toddler. My time is much more free and my functions as ‘mom’ are much less demanding. So here I sit, feeling idle and unproductive. Stupid, I know. And yes, I totally recognize that I could be gardening or doing the little home improvement stuff I dream up on a regular basis, or out jogging (walking is way more accurate), or baking up a storm to wow my guys, or knitting, or whatever. But I haven’t done any of that stuff.
And it’s not because I can’t or I don’t want to. It’s the opposite of that. It’s because like I told my husband yesterday, I’ve been feeling guilty. Guilty, I say! ‘Free-loader’ and ‘bum’ is how I actually worded it. He says I shouldn’t feel guilty and he’s probably right. Matter of fact, he’s almost always right. But I have been. I feel guilty by having all this free time. I’m so used to playing the busy, working mom with household chores and motherly duties and obligations that make me feel completely spent and at the same time useful that it’s hard to not feel guilty about doing stuff just for me. Maybe I have a servants heart. And self-serving is something I’ve tried very hard to get away from. I was a very selfish teenager, and a ridiculously self-centered young adult. But as a mom and a wife, I really and truly try to be selfless. So naturally, I’ve been feeling like I’m not doing enough for my family right at the moment.
Well, here’s where things have changed in the past 8 hours. I hate being a whiner. And all this feeling guilty nonsense has made me feel even more whiny than guilty now. So today I decided that it’s time for me to get over it and just embrace it. I mean, really. C’mon! I have been given an absolutely gracious opportunity to do what I enjoy doing. Whatever that may be! I can use my free time however I choose and that is an awesome blessing! So, thank you God for another day, full of amazing grace and blessings. Thank you super hot and wonderful hubby for the support and encouragement. And thank you for your time. Now, I’ve got lots of stuff to do today so… Kelly, over and out!! 🙂
20 Things I Know To Be True
1. People treat you exactly how you let them.
2. A child will always say the thing out loud that you really hope they won’t.
3. Dog hair gets a little easier to live with once you become a dog person.
4. Being in love takes two people.
5. Good people do stupid things too.
6. Sometimes cats run away and never come back.
7. It really does take a village to raise a kid.
8. Money is not the solution to all your problems.
9. When you think nobody is looking and you do a good deed, someone always sees it.
10. Elderly people are one of the biggest treasures in this life.
11. Hurting others won’t make you feel better in the long run.
12. Marriage isn’t always forever, but it should be.
13. Animals are usually very good judges of a persons character.
14. Laughter can’t heal a broken heart, but it helps.
15. True friends are few and far between.
16. A tiny hand clasped around your finger can bring down all of your walls.
17. A good husband is worth more than all the gold in California.
18. The simplest act of kindness can have a profound effect on someone.
19. Fairy tales sometimes come true when you least expect them to.
20. God loves me, even when I am unloveable.
Lost in Dallas.
Dallas, Texas. Dusk. Traffic. Scary! I’m a little too used to my little small town life. And last night was a perfect example of that fact. My buddy and me were feeling adventurous once we discovered there was a big mall just six miles from the hotel we are staying at for our conference. So we decided to make the journey and revel in all the retail wonder this part of the state had to offer. We plugged in the info on my smartphone and headed out. What we didn’t take into account was the reality that six miles in Dallas is more equivalent to sixty miles when you calculate the traffic lights, crazy construction and DFW Airport into the trip.
We set out using my phones GPS and made it there pretty easy. Shopped till our hearts were content. Walked at least a hundred miles around the place. Sipped on a glass o’ wine at a really cool restaraunt. Then we decided to head back. We hade came, we had conquered. All was well with the universe. Until we got back on the road.
So apparently my phones GPS directions only work one way. Because as we arrived at our destination… We really didn’t. It was like a parking lot beside an empty building. Not our hotel. (You can’t fool me, GPS. I know what my hotel looks like.) So I decide to use the handy dandy onstar button since that’s how we got to the hotel the first time. And they had given us other helpful guidance along the way. But this time, well let’s just say, awkward. Not the best experience. Really, guy? Here’s how it went down:
Man: Welcome to onstar. How can I assist you?
Me: Hi. I’m lost in Dallas. Can you send me directions to blah blah hotel, please?
Man: Sure. Oh, sorry. It appears that you have a subscription for the yay-hoo package and what you need is the whoopity-do package that includes navigation directions…
Me: (still driving, getting more lost by the nano second) Um, ok? Sure lets do that then. Can you give me the directions now?
Man: Well your current package is priced at something dollar amount and the whoopity-do package is something dollar amount more. Is that okay, ma’am?
Me: (now driving away from Dallas as it’s getting darker and more lost-person-never-finding-your-way-back-ish) Yes! That’s fine. And why are you the first person to mention this when I’ve gotten direction three other times today?! We are lost in Dallas! Are we going to get the directions now, please?!!!
Man: I’m really sorry about that. Now I do show that you have an account on file with a routing number that ends with blah blah. Is that the correct billing account?
Me: (Are you freaking kidding me?! Plus I’m in Egypt by this time.) Sure, I have no idea what my routing number is but yes, let’s go with that.
Man: Okay, great. Now what hotel were you looking for?
Me: …name of hotel again…
Man: Hmmm. Can I place you on a brief hold? Thank you.
Me: (mumbled expletives, and disbelief).
Man: Thank you for holding, I’m afraid I can’t find a hotel by that name. Are you looking for a different hotel?
Me: No. It’s the same hotel that y’all gave me directions to earlier in the day.
Man: Oh, here it is. I will send you the instructions now. Thank you for using onstar.
So me and my buddy are God knows where by this time and the directions are sent to my car and they immediately take us into a residential area. Oh heck no. This guy has given us some janky directions and now we are going to be lost forever. We decide to wing it temporarily until we get back on a highway. Finally the stupid thing gets us back to the hotel. It was rediculous and we decided we are just going to stay here forever and never leave again until we head home. Thank you onstar.
Trampoline Justice
Growing up there was a girl in my grade that lived up the street from us who had the same first name as me. Early on we had come to the conclusion that we were destined to be friends due to the fact that we shared a name. Anyway, she and I both had big brothers that were around the same age. And they were problems for us. Always picking and teasing and taunting. They were not cool. At all.
One time, me and my friend were waiting our turn to jump on our trampoline. We were waiting because our older brothers were already on the trampoline. That in itself wasn’t the real problem. The problem was that our older brothers were much bigger than we were and we couldn’t get on while they were up there. Not like we had some rule that we couldn’t get on while they were on it. Like we actually could not get on. They were mean and selfish. And big. Really big. Way bigger than us. We would attempt to climb on. And they would jump really close to the edge and push us back down. We would cry and scream and kick and swat at them. No good. It was hopeless. We told my parents they wouldn’t let us have a turn, and mom did the old standard “holler from the kitchen window” routine. Which is totally ineffective, by the way. So we waited for almost an hour, literally. And in kid time, it may as well have been three days. We were DYING to jump.
Then, out of nowhere, there was a loud thud and popping noises. We watched in complete horror as the trampoline bottomed out and springs went everywhere. It was epic. And infuriating. Needless to say, they were in big trouble. But being in trouble and getting punished don’t always go hand in hand. Apparently, bottoming out on a trampoline from mid-air hurts. We wouldn’t know because we didn’t get to experience that. But they were pretty sore. And that was justice enough for us.
Life Is All About Laughter 