Sorry I’ve been absent for awhile… I know it’s been too long since the last post, but I have a valid reason… Excuse, really. My mind has been a little preoccupied, and I’ve been at a loss for words. Sure I could have written about all the nonsensical, ordinary, funny, etc. happenings of the day, or even about my lack of inspiration. But I didn’t. And I’m sorry for that. However, since you are here reading this post, let me tell you about the past few weeks.

As you know from earlier posts, I recently went back to a full time real estate career, which has been stirring up several issues within me. First, I am super thankful for a husband that supports me in all of my endeavors and believes that I can move mountains, and change lives, and succeed in anything I put my mind to. THAT – is wonderful. And I’m happy to be back doing something that I really enjoy, because life is too short to have a job you are not happy with. And really, things have gone pretty well so far. I’m only 38 days back into the field and I have four listings and one contract and several buyers I am working with… Which equates to money in the near future. So I feel like I should be super stoked and excited. But I’m sort of not…

My downtime has gotten me a little off kilter. I’m not used to having nothing to do, specifically. Sure, I had some downtime with my previous job – but it came with pay and benefits and opportunities to do other stuff. Now, my downtime just allows me an opportunity to sit and think about all the uncertainties of this career field. In my own defense, the last time I did this full time, I juggled being a stay at home mom too. And technically I’m still doing that, except with a tween instead of a toddler. My time is much more free and my functions as ‘mom’ are much less demanding. So here I sit, feeling idle and unproductive. Stupid, I know. And yes, I totally recognize that I could be gardening or doing the little home improvement stuff I dream up on a regular basis, or out jogging (walking is way more accurate), or baking up a storm to wow my guys, or knitting, or whatever. But I haven’t done any of that stuff.

And it’s not because I can’t or I don’t want to. It’s the opposite of that. It’s because like I told my husband yesterday, I’ve been feeling guilty. Guilty, I say! ‘Free-loader’ and ‘bum’ is how I actually worded it. He says I shouldn’t feel guilty and he’s probably right. Matter of fact, he’s almost always right. But I have been. I feel guilty by having all this free time. I’m so used to playing the busy, working mom with household chores and motherly duties and obligations that make me feel completely spent and at the same time useful that it’s hard to not feel guilty about doing stuff just for me. Maybe I have a servants heart. And self-serving is something I’ve tried very hard to get away from. I was a very selfish teenager, and a ridiculously self-centered young adult. But as a mom and a wife, I really and truly try to be selfless. So naturally, I’ve been feeling like I’m not doing enough for my family right at the moment.

Well, here’s where things have changed in the past 8 hours. I hate being a whiner. And all this feeling guilty nonsense has made me feel even more whiny than guilty now. So today I decided that it’s time for me to get over it and just embrace it. I mean, really. C’mon! I have been given an absolutely gracious opportunity to do what I enjoy doing. Whatever that may be! I can use my free time however I choose and that is an awesome blessing! So, thank you God for another day, full of amazing grace and blessings. Thank you super hot and wonderful hubby for the support and encouragement. And thank you for your time. Now, I’ve got lots of stuff to do today so… Kelly, over and out!! 🙂